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Depression, food, comfort, weight.

As I’ve shared with you, I’m battling with my darkest monster again. I feel it on so many routine bits changing. And some changed in an unhealthy pattern. And even when I noticed I was being unhealthy, I indulged. I crashed. I gave in and let it all happen as I didn’t care.

Scale GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

But here I am, caring again. Slowly climbing out of that dark hole. Slowly fighting back. I did the dishes. Win! I cleaned the apartment. Another win. But I kept on eating more and more. And I tried to battle that with exercise. Damn I spend so much time on that hometrainer. And it helped me not to look like a big stranded whale 🐳 now. But I gained a lot of weight and I need to fight it. I need to lose it. It’s bad for me to be obese in so many ways. Fight Cynni, fight hard and win!

Continue reading “Depression, food, comfort, weight.”

November 2022

November has arrived. I recently shared my goals for this month. I don’t know if I’ll reach them all, but every little bit of progress is good! 💪🏼 And I’ll take that wholeheartedly. 😊

I usually recap my previous month. How I did weight wise and with my circumferences and all that. So let’s make this post like my usual monthly posts. If I wanna know if I make any progress, I’ll need to register some values/numbers. I’m trying to focus less on those but I find they can help with monitoring.

Feeling good is most important! Something I’ve learned along the way. And to be honest, I’m proud that my focus on numbers had gotten a little more mellow. I never thought I could do that as I’ve always been so hyper-focused on them… 😊

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Not giving up –

even if I give in too often

Even though I’ve been gaining weight, I never stopped hitting the gym. Even though I’m not getting the desired results yet, hitting the gym and working out is healthy. And I love it! So I keep getting up early and hitting the cardio and some strength every day. And I do know that, while I did gain weight, without the gym, without my walks, without my hometrainer, I would have gained a whole lot more!

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October 2022

I used to share a post on the first of every month where I shared my progress with my weightloss.

Every since I stopped losing weight and started gaining some, I wasn’t motivated anymore to share. It made me feel like a failure. I never got to my goal. And gaining weight made me feel like I wasn’t strong enough to reach my goals… Or, my one goal.

I wanted to feel better and look good. And while part of me felt a bit better, still the reflection of my body in the mirror made me anything but happy…

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Me and numbers…

…numbers and I!

I’ve always had something with numbers. I could remember some of them all too well. I could see patterns in them. I could count with money at age 4 and know it’s value. I’ve always been enthralled by numbers I guess.

During my testing for ADHD (which also showed I am Austistic), the love for numbers sprang out and my psychological examiner said it could be an autistic treat. I have had troubles with numbers as well. Even though I can be good with them, I’ve also made huge mistakes with them, costing me money, getting me into trouble.

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Getting fit – Gaining confidence

I know that losing weight will make me look better. I know that losing weight will make me feel better. It will be helpful for my fibro, it will be able to reduce some of my pains due to less strain on my body.

But maybe, for me, the most important thing will be to regain some confidence in myself. After creating too many big steps, after failing so many of them, I’ve been working on making my steps and goals way smaller. In the past I’d go for one big goal which was never easy to reach. So I’d always set myself up to fail.

Small steps
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Let’s start again in September!

Think I’ll be OK to go then 💪🏼

As you may have read, I was planning on getting back to business with my health and weight right after the vacation ended. I came home on Thursday around 4PM and 12 hours later I was getting up to hit the gym again… And I felt super!

I felt strong and in control. Motivation was present in me and looking in the many mirrors at the gym, I could see where I wanted the changes to happen. Even though I started moderately, to avoid getting myself hurt from pushing too hard too fast, I started and felt good!

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Food – My companion, my enemy

I’m a very, *very* picky eater.

That being said, the things I do enjoy, I can eat way too much from. And I don’t mean just a little more than is good for you… I mean I can eat several portions of them and just keep feeling like I’m hungry. Like I can eat more. Which is anything but a blessing. Because….

Every calorie too much sticks to my belly and bottom and makes me feel bad about the reflection in the mirror. And the numbers on my scale…. 😔

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A good head start

Taking it slowly and building from there…

I’ve shared with you before, my vacation is over and it’s back on a healthy life business for me. As I expected, I gained weight during the vacation, almost 3 kilo’s. So now, it is up to me to get those, and then some more, off, so I can feel better again.

It’s not just the looks in the mirror that I’m disgusted by, I also feel less good when I’m more obese. I need to catch my breath more, I can’t fit in my comfortable newer clothes, while the older ones are still (fortunately) too large for me.

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Getting back on track

Starting Friday…

I have been slacking with my exercises. I knew I would, as it’s a vacation. I have tried to get some decent walks in, but I also snacked, had bad weather days and ate loads of delicious Schnitzels! I knew I would allow myself some slack, some enjoyment of the good things that both Austria and Germany had to offer me. But I also planned to get back on track with my training after the vacation would be over. And it would be good on my wallet as well, with things being so expensive as they are these days…

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