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Running ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ – Going too fast

And I don’t mean my speed ๐Ÿ˜‰.

I’ve tried to run many times. And always I failed. I tried to follow these guides who promised to have me running 5k within weeks and I believed those programs were also meant for me.

With my hypermobility, with my fibro, with my energy issues because of these two. I thought “of they can do it, so should I”. And of course a positive mind set is important, but I was already putting a big weight on my shoulders. Making it way harder to actually achieve that running goal.

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Getting back on track

Starting Friday…

I have been slacking with my exercises. I knew I would, as it’s a vacation. I have tried to get some decent walks in, but I also snacked, had bad weather days and ate loads of delicious Schnitzels! I knew I would allow myself some slack, some enjoyment of the good things that both Austria and Germany had to offer me. But I also planned to get back on track with my training after the vacation would be over. And it would be good on my wallet as well, with things being so expensive as they are these days…

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Stronger – Can I…?

I want to become a stronger person in so many ways. I want it literally, as I want to make progress in the gym. But I also seek it mentally, as I want to be stronger to battle the depressions I get every now and then. I want to be able to not let them gain so much ground before I’m able to fight back…

I want to recognize the symptoms sooner and be able to retaliate immediately. Not let it happen while I stay and watch it happen from the side line. Not saying I want to battle it, but to actually really battle it! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ

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Muscles – Feeling changes ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ

My fat percentage is way too high. I’m still overweight. I was in the good BMI range for a while but could not keep my weight there. Plagued with a bad depression, many nightmares, feeling totally sh*t… I went back to what I love doing: eating!

And while I kept exercising, I ate way too much to even compensate just a little. Ow I’m sure the exercise did prevent me from getting from overweight to obese again. But part of me was hoping to be burning fat now, not the excess of calories that I’ve been stuffing myself with…

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Cardio – (S)lacking

Many of you know I enjoy training. But lately I am struggling to get a “productive” cardio load in my Polar Flow app. It’s like I do train and all, but it keeps telling me that I’m training less than usual. While I am training almost the same amount of time every day, as that’s often what I can get from it on the meds I have. If my body would be healthy I would love to train with a personal trainer and all. Yeah, I would be able to work then and have more money, so I could afford a personal trainer ๐Ÿ˜‰!

But I would love to hit it harder… Burn more calories. Train better. I feel like the bad sleeping and the depression are really kicking my ass and while I do work out, I am not really pushing myself. I feel like part of me is OK with what I can do now and is not looking to improve. And that’s really not what I really want because I want to improve, get stronger an better ๐Ÿ’ช!

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Training muscles

It’s hard work. Especially after a surgery where your muscles have been trapped in both a tourniquet and clamps for several hours… Also when you’re obese, it’s harder to get a good workout in without putting a lot of strain on your muscles.

And while my obesity isn’t as bad as it was 2 years ago, I’m still too fat and my BMI is still too high. I’ve been in the OK range for just a very short time, but then my mental health and physical health took some beating and I started to eat way too much again, so my “just OK” BMI got to fat again.

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Slowly does it!

Said no one with a super active ADHD brain ever ๐Ÿ˜‚! The last 7 weeks, almost 8, since my surgery have gone slow. Without my normal routine I felt like I was doing too little. I felt so lazy and tired, I missed my routine and I really needed to adjust to living with my mum. I had been on my own for over 3 years and for the last 2 of them, I had a rather well working routine that suited Arwen and myself. So needing to adjust was a big and hard part. And while I am grateful for all mum has done for me, being honest, I also am glad when things return to normal again. I know it will take time to get to my old levels, it will take hours of training to get close to where I was. And while I would love to push myself hard and get there sooner, I know it would not be wise.

Slowly does it, right?

Feeling Old Season 8 GIF by The Simpsons - Find & Share on GIPHY

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My poor muscles

I am busy with my rehabilitation. Walking more with one crutch outside and without any indoors. I started riding my bike again and it’s so hard not to level up, as my heart rate is so low and I feel like I could do better already. So I’m thinking, next short ride, I’ll push to level 2 or 3, as level one does not really “do” anything for me. If that makes sense.

Being on my saddle feels a bit weird, guess I’ll have to get used to sitting with my new hip. But when my legs start spinning, it feels comfortable and good, except for some muscle aches. I have one large muscle that definitely needs some work to get back to its old state.

Image of muscles and tendons, found through Google.

The muscle that needs most stretching is called the Biceps Femoris on this image. In Dutch it’s part of the “Hamstring”, and Google told me it’s the same name in English. I got squad exercises to do, but they’ve never been my favorite. I always struggled with squatting due to my bad hip and pelvis and I’m always afraid I’ll fall down… As I always used to fall whenever I needed to squad. But I’ll try it, as I definitely need the exercise. My PT said my muscles are still there (yay for that ๐Ÿ˜‚) but they did lose rather some substance, so it’s back to training from scratch. I’m also trying to buy less snacks as I’ve definitely gained weight and I need/want to lose it again. Hopefully my body will recover quickly, as I really want to be allowed to ride again.

Celebrity Big Brother Love GIF by Big Brother UK - Find & Share on GIPHY

If I may drive again, I could try to visit the gym again. I know I want to be able to walk without crutches again. I want to get back to my normal routine. Living with just Arwen, doing our things… I am really grateful for mum living with me, helping me so much, but I am getting ready to take care of myself again. Do things the way I prefer them. With my little silly OCD things, with my boring routine… ๐Ÿ˜Š

So now, it’s doing some squats several times a day, practicing walking without the use of crutches and slowly starting up on my bike again. The first two days I did 20 minutes on the lowest setting. Tomorrow, or today when I will publish this writing ๐Ÿ˜‰, I’ll try setting 2, as setting 1 is kot hard, painful or difficult in any way. So I’m guessing I’d be OK to try a level higher and see how that goes. If it’s too hard, I’ll just switch back to level one. I want to build up my muscles again, be able to ride, walk and exercise at the gym again. ๐Ÿ’ช

So after several weeks of rest, I’m slowly getting back at it. Too slow for my liking ๐Ÿ˜‰ but best not to hurry and injure myself. So I have to put the brakes on my ADHD brain and get my body into gear slowly but surely. Let’s do this!

Fitness Workout GIF by Rabbids - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Some selfies in Greifenstein

Journal – Sunday, August 29th 2021

Today, my alarm woke me, as it should… I didn’t really want to get up. I had some nasty dreams, maybe nightmares even, and I did not feel any more rested than I did when I went to bed ๐Ÿ˜”. I really hope that this situation will improve when I get my new hip. My metal levels are quite high, so I’m sure it will take quite a while before the Chromium and Kobalt will (slowly) leave my system. But man, do I hope that it will help me feel rested again in the morning. I’ll push through, actually looking forward to hitting the gym. But I’m sure I could get enjoy it more with some more energy in me…

Polar Flow told me my sleep score is a mere 86 and yes, I feel that for sure… For those wondering about my metal levels, I’ll share the results of my tests. They have been done several months ago, so I’m sure my levels have increased since then… I’m sure I feel more tired on a daily basis for sure….

Continue reading “Journal – Sunday, August 29th 2021”

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