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Journal – Week 46, November 2022

A new week. A week in which I’m eager to fight my darkest monster. A week where I want to battle with my calories. I feel more confident, but I may still fail as I’ve given my dark monster quite some strength the last few weeks. I want to win. Maybe not this week… But I sure wish to make a start. I’m worth it! 😁

Colder. Wet at times. Temperatures are in Celcius. 😊
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Getting stronger 💪🏼

I may not have a sexy body. I may be obese. I sure eat too much to ever get that lower fat percentage. But I’m showing up at the gym every day. I’m riding my hometrainer every day. I’m getting my steps in every day!

I know it’s wrong to do… But sometimes I wonder what I could look like if I could stay off the sweets. If I were strong enough to get myself into thar desperately needed calories deficit. I know I should have a little muscle built up, as I’m slowly able to use heavier weights. Is there a sexy body hidden be eath the access of body fat??? 😇

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Journal – Week 45, November 2022

A new week. Weather really turned to autumn now. I have some appointments, some for me, one for mum, and for the rest it’ll probably be another usual week. 😊 Not that I’m complaining, I like knowing what will happen, in a sense. I’m still fighting the dark monster, it’s draining my energy. Even hitting the gym feels like a hard chore at times, as I’m so tired. But I’ll keep the routine as I know it really helps me. And I try to gather spoons to get strong enough to fight off the monster…

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Mental Health – We all have it

But it seems like it’s way harder to talk about it than our physical health. We talk easily about our broken leg, our obesity, our six-pack, our successes at the gym. But when it comes to mental health, I often feel there’s this big taboo.

And I understand it. I also come from that generation that got told crying was for the weak, always appear strong so you’ll be strong in the end. I’ve been bullied for being different. Ridiculed by classmates, teachers and some family. So I also shut down and kept my mental issues to myself. I learned to mask, to act, to pretend. And I believe many of us have been brought up with this mindset. And now it’s time to realize that having issues with our mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Why aren’t we ashamed of a broken leg and why do we hide our depressions, for instance?

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Depression – Going down and dark

Chronic depression. I’ve had it since my diagnosis at age 16/17. I’ve struggled a lot. Even been almost diagnosed with Bipolar due to the nature of my depressions. But 4 dacs couldn’t agree so they stayed with chronic depression…

Persistent depressive disorder, also called dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh), is a continuous long-term (chronic) form of depression. You may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, lack productivity, and have low self-esteem and an overall feeling of inadequacy. These feelings last for years and may significantly interfere with your relationships, school, work and daily activities.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/persistent-depressive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20350929
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Be wise, take it easy

When you learn you have Fibromyalgia, you learn that you’re going (or already are) experiencing pain without a valid reason. You’ll have sore muscles or tendons without there being any reason. So while you know they are OK in reality, unfortunately the pain your brain perceives is very real.

I did learn that I should listen to my body. But if I experience some pains, I should not have to rest all of the time. If the pains were mild enough to do things still, I would not hurt myself by doing them. It was OK to work with a slight discomfort. But if the pains got worse, then it would be wise to stop and try again later.

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Journal – Week 43, October 2022

The last full week of October had already arrived. Time seems to go by rather fast… Some plans were changed due to unforseen things happening. I needed a visit to the garage with my car as my engine light is bright 🔆 when I drive. My aunt surprised my parents and me with a dinner. Mum couldn’t drive so I had to drive to Germany. I combined it with the garage on Friday.

Very curious to see if we really will get this weather, it sure looks lovely got this week… 😊
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November 2022

November has arrived. I recently shared my goals for this month. I don’t know if I’ll reach them all, but every little bit of progress is good! 💪🏼 And I’ll take that wholeheartedly. 😊

I usually recap my previous month. How I did weight wise and with my circumferences and all that. So let’s make this post like my usual monthly posts. If I wanna know if I make any progress, I’ll need to register some values/numbers. I’m trying to focus less on those but I find they can help with monitoring.

Feeling good is most important! Something I’ve learned along the way. And to be honest, I’m proud that my focus on numbers had gotten a little more mellow. I never thought I could do that as I’ve always been so hyper-focused on them… 😊

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My goals checklist

I have learned that to reach a big goal, it’s best to divide it into smaller ones. Smaller steps towards that end goal. Making it easier to make progress without losing faith.

And I have learned that it’s no race. Even if my ADHD wants to go at the speed of lightning, it isn’t needed. If you find a schedule that should help you reach a goal, the days/weeks/months are average for (usually) healthy people. When you’re dealing with health issues, it’s not needed to follow that schedule to the point. While the steps it shows can help you, don’t persue the time frame when you feel it’s too fast for you. And don’t feel bad about that!

I know, that’s easier said than done… Been there, still am there at times, and I done that (and to be honest, still do it as well)…

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