Noise – Unavoidable but nerving

When you live in an apartment, in between others, you can always suspect to hear noises from the people around you. Unfortunately, I am living in between some noisy apartments. And normally, I would be out a lot, at the gym, walking Arwen, walking to get groceries… But the last few weeks I have been home way more, due to the surgery and all.

And wow, I cannot wait to escape the home again. My upstairs neighbors with their elephant thumping kid… It’s an insult to the elephant as I am sure their tread is way softer and more gentle than the kid living above me. This week, the schools have vacation, which means a lot of disturbance above me… My downstairs neighbors have loud voices and an even louder yapping dog. Makes me wish some more to be out and about these days. I have to turn the TV to LOUD because the noises are driving me nuts. That, plus my mum needing to point out every noise to me like I could do anything to make them go away. Believe me, if I could, I would. I hate all these noises…

Angry Wake Up GIF by Looney Tunes - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Journal – Thursday, October 21st 2021

I wish I had something exciting to tell you all. A new milestone, a new achievement, some progress… But it’s been another normal two days. Where I walked a bit with Arwen and with Basje. Where I got some groceries with mum. Where I watched some more TV…

I know my usual routine could be seen as boring by many as well. And I get it. Working with a daily schedule, day in and out, may be boring but for people like me, it gives me clarity. So instead of chatting about my daily life, I’ll try to explain a bit about routines. I’m “on the spectrum” as it should be called thes days. But I always called myself an Aspie, ever since my diagnosis. For me, it wasn’t a bad word… It still isn’t…

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Journal – Thursday, October 14th 2021

Another day closer to the check up date… It seems to be going so slow, but then I think that it’s been 5,5 weeks since the surgery and well, that seemed like a few days ago. But then I think of the struggles I’ve gone through, and I’m still battling, and then it seems like it’s been ages. Time perception can be weird in different ways…

This morning we went to Germany again for some gasoline and grocery shopping. Fortunately, the weather was dry, which made it a bit more pleasant.  Then we went to Nijmegen again, to drop off some groceries for my dad and to walk Bas.

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Autism – Lie To Me (TV series)

When I first heard about the TV series “Lie to Me”, starring Tim Roth and Kelli Williams, I was very interested. The series ran for 3 seasons, from 2009-2011.

I thought I had bought all 3 seasons on DVD, but I guess two of those seasons had been “gifts” from my then GF, and yeah, she paid for it so it was hers….. Gifts? Nah! It was for mutual use…. Kmy gifts that I have receipts from were obviously meant for her, so she could keep those…). So when I wanted to watch the show again, I only had season 2…. Ugh 😔. Fortunately, the 3 seasons box was on sale at Amazon.nl (somehow it was almost €30 cheaper than Bol.com) so I took my last saved money and got me the box set while it was cheap. I really *love* that show so it’s definitely worth the money.

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I ♥ calories…too much…

When you want to lose weight, lower your fat percentage and increase your muscle percentage and stamina, you do not want to consume too many calories. That’s a given. Unless you’re training on a very high level, then matters change. But I am talking ’bout the “house and garden variety” of losing weight and getting in shape. So basically burn more than you consume and training with weights to build some muscles 💪.

Unfortunately, it’s easier written, and said, than done. At least, for me it’s been great struggle… When I started my weightloss journey in the end of September 2019, I was at 106,6 kilo’s, very obese and out of shape. I started well and things went, according to me, rather OK. Then Covid19 took over the world, we had a huge lockdown, I lost my newly adapted (and loved) routine and I struggled hard. So yeah, I gained lots of the weight in the 3 months the gym had been closed.

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Fight or flight?

I guess we’ve all been there before. A situation where your brain is like “we either fight this or we get the hell away from this”. And I always struggle with these situations, because they seem to happen a lot and I never really know what the best response would be. I never know what a NT person would do.

Intuition plus Thinking (NT)

NTs tend to approach life and work in a logical and objective manner, and like to make use of their ingenuity to focus on possibilities, particularly possibilities that have a technical application. They are often found in careers that require an impersonal and analytical approach to ideas, information and people, and they tend to be less interested in careers that require a warm, sympathetic, and hands-on approach to helping people. NTs are often found in the sciences, law, computers, the arts, engineering, management, and technical work.

Source: NT source.

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Routine – Small changes

With spring slowly turning to summer, the weather is getting warmer. The last few days we’ve had temperatures of +30°C. Of course, it’s warm. Especially in our climate. But it’s even harder for Arwen. We can dress differently, we can adapt our activities. But, just like me, Arwen often thrives on a steady routine.

But when the temperature is too high, it would be nothing short of animal abuse if I would keep on our normal routines. Normally we walk between 15-16. Now, with the sun high in the sky, it’s way too warm for Arwen and she could get a heat stroke. So only a quick stop at nearby bushes and quickly inside again. She doesn’t really seem to understand, but she does seem happy when she’s back inside, where it’s still a bit cooler than out.

Anger Ugh GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Reblog: What Is… Autistic Burnout

In this series, I dig a little deeper into the meaning of psychology-related terms.  This week’s term is autistic burnout. Autistic burnout is something I’d only heard of quite recently, and I was curious to learn more about it. It’s a concept that’s discussed a lot among autistic communities, but hasn’t been well researched. A […]

What Is… Autistic Burnout

Every day…

FYI *image used is about myself, not aimed at any of you!*

I live with a daily set routine. I have a morning routine, a gym routine, a routine for my walks with Arwen, a routine for getting ready in the evening to head to bed. Some days are just like the others. And that is OK, as the autism side in me loves to know where I am at. It wants to have a certain amount of control of my daily doings. And I try to be transparent in what I do, my preferences and my plans. It’s not always easy for both others and myself. If I deviate from my routine, I struggle. I need the structure. I need it to know where I am at…

But of course, some days are differently from others. Some days, I need groceries. Some days I need to get my meds. Some days I need to help my parents or friends with something, making the day different from the ones before (and after). And that can be OK, but I would like to know it in advance. Last minute changes are very hard to deal with, as I cannot change my routine accordingly then. And I am not too got with “changing it on the go”.

Marge Simpson Bar GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Social struggles

Sometimes I think I understand it. I have read or heard something that was written/said to be and I want to reply. So I think about it and do my best to respond accordingly. And sometimes I notice that th response I get to mine… Is not what I had expected. Did I misunderstand the original message? Did I say/write something wrong? Is it a simple thing called miscommunication? Or is it something else?

I sometimes find it really difficult to know how to respond. I’d love to say the right things, and having them feel right as well. I know I can’t always agree with things being said. I know my opinion can and may be different at times. But how to get that right? Without causing any harm? That’s the thing I would love to know…

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