Autism – Just another day

Being on the spectrum, I have found out early (before I even knew of that spectrum) that I thrive on a set, daily routine. I hate not knowing what is about to happen and when sudden things happen, they can quite overwhelm me. When something small happens, I have learned how to cope, though to be honest, it still goes wrong at times. But with major changes or setbacks, I feel like I struggle more than the average person to deal with it. To accept it for what it is and to keep going.

I have written before about needing routines, and now adjusting them due to the lockdown our country is in. If you have missed those posts and you are interested in reading them, I’ll quick-link them here for your convenience: Autism – Boring routines, Covid19 – Losing my routine, again and Autism – Lockdown routine. But what happens with me when I have to deal with a change in plans? How do I try to deal with sudden changes? I’ve tried to put my thoughts and feelings to words, hoping to give you a glimpse into my wicked mind.

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Autism – Lockdown routine

Those who have been following this blog already know that I am on the spectrum. As in, I have a form of autism. Those of you who have been following also know that I thrive on a daily routine. New people, welcome to my blog site and, now you also know.

I have written about it previously, so I shall share some links here if you are interested in reading the older posts on this topic: Routine – After all those yearsAutism – Boring routinesCovid19 – Losing my routine, again. This post will be about how I try to handle the changes I needed to make in my routine in order to struggle as little as possible during this new lockdown that’s been happening for almost 5 weeks in the Netherlands.

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Covid19 – Losing my routine, again

There we go again. Another tight lockdown. Another 5 weeks at least without the gym. I am writing this during the first day of the new lockdown and I am already struglling. I went to bed later, so got up later. I walked the dog. Made breakfast for both her and me. And now I am laying on the couch.

I feel dead tired and I have barely done a thing. I feel cold and down. I already miss the healthy routine that gave me so muc stability. The routine that helped me lose weight. The routine I really enjoyed, even though I sometimes hated going to bed early.

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Autism – Boring routines

When every day looks like any other day, it could get boring. Too predictable. No fun perhaps? That is what it is for me, with the exception of going to a store here or there, all days look alike.

The Friday and Saturday, I go to bed at 23, other days at 22. Monday till Friday I get up at 7 to be in te gym when it opens at 8. Since the gym opens at 9 in the weekend, I can go to bed an hour later and get up a hour later as well.

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Being social with Autism

You long time readers know I am on the spectrum, as they call it. And if you are new here, welcome, and for your information, I am on the spectrum 😉 Being on the spectrum means I have a form of autism, the kind they used to call Asperger’s Syndrome. Some people also called it “high functioning” but I really dislike that term. It makes me cringe…

My autism was diagnosed at a later stage in my life, I was in my 30s when they were diagnosing me for possible ADHD. The psych saw relatively quickly that I had ADHD, but she thought I might have more than that. So we had extra talks and chats and in the end, I got a duo diagnosis: Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD.

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Autism – Between the lines

I have a form of autism, the kind that used to be called “Asperger’s Syndrome” before we all got this spectrum to be on 😉 Occasionally I write about things that I struggle with that, in my opinion, are connected to my autism. Hence my title. If you didn’t get it… And if you do get it, yay! As this will be about taking things literally and my incapacity to “read between the lines”, hence missing out on things all others just acknowledge and understand.

While growing up, I often didn’t get jokes people were telling. I laughed when others did, but not getting the point. Also, sometimes I would dabble with a joke and try to tell it, which was successful about half of the time. Of course I often didn’t understand why people weren’t capable of getting my joke and it took some time to realize that people often don’t take things all too literal, like I do.

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Quiet single life

I’ve been single since my divorce got through on August 1st 2018. Some people would call my status divorced, but I prefer single, as that’s what I am. Even though I wasn’t emotionally available in the first year, as I was struggling with severe depression, I was alone. I lived, as I still do, with my loyal dog Arwen. The last year I have been really working on myself, losing weight, getting stronger both mentally as physically. And now, I am ready to date again.

As some of you already know by following this blog, I had been chatting with someone I was interested in. And I thought the interest was mutual, as that person even used a “super like” on the dating app I got. We were chatting, which turned to flirting and then we were ready to set a date to meet up. And then… Radio silence. I have sent a few messages asking this person if all was OK, but no reply. So well, I have been swiping again, seeing if there is maybe someone else interested in chatting with me.

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Routine – After all those years

Most of you long time readers know I am on the spectrum. For those not familiar with that, it means I have a form of autism. My autism used to be called “Asperger’s Syndrome”, but these days, it’s called “being on the spectrum”. Asperger used to be affiliated with “high functioning autism” which comes down to being able to mainly function by yourself. Like I am living on my own, dealing with my own affairs. Yes it can be hard sometimes, but most days, if nothing weird happens, I am able to handle it.

I have written before about how I work best with a routine. How my days look a lot alike as I want to plan them way ahead to know what will happen. If something doesn’t go according to plan, especially when that happens last minute, I really struggle. I need time to change gears, and that’s where it often goes wrong and I can get over stimulated. If all goes south, I will be too stimulated by everything and I can get into a full meltdown.

image found through Google
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What to write?

I really enjoy writing for this blog. I always look forward to sharing something new with you all. But some days I just wonder… I think that my topics might be boring. I think that you don’t wanna know how my day went. I think many things and most are negative towards my topics. And it makes me wonder if my depression is still just lurking around the corner, feeding me negative thoughts whenever it finds a chance?

I’d love to say that I have beaten my depression, I’d love to say that I fought it and I have won. But I think that my depression is chronic, as it’s always just hiding behind the corner. It’s keeping an eye on me, waiting for me to have a weak moment and then it wil strike again.

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Appointments struggles

I am very punctual. I am more too early than too late. I hate coming in at the last moment. I also hate it when people aren’t as punctual as me. If we have an appointment for a certain time, I’d do everything to be there before said time and I expect the other person to be there in time as well.

That’s a reason why I hate appointments in hospitals and the doctors, as they almost never run on time and they always seem delayed. And that annoys me because I have done my best to be there at he time of the appointment so they should be there as well.

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