Fight or flight?

I guess we’ve all been there before. A situation where your brain is like “we either fight this or we get the hell away from this”. And I always struggle with these situations, because they seem to happen a lot and I never really know what the best response would be. I never know what a NT person would do.

Intuition plus Thinking (NT)

NTs tend to approach life and work in a logical and objective manner, and like to make use of their ingenuity to focus on possibilities, particularly possibilities that have a technical application. They are often found in careers that require an impersonal and analytical approach to ideas, information and people, and they tend to be less interested in careers that require a warm, sympathetic, and hands-on approach to helping people. NTs are often found in the sciences, law, computers, the arts, engineering, management, and technical work.

Source: NT source.

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Routine – Small changes

With spring slowly turning to summer, the weather is getting warmer. The last few days we’ve had temperatures of +30°C. Of course, it’s warm. Especially in our climate. But it’s even harder for Arwen. We can dress differently, we can adapt our activities. But, just like me, Arwen often thrives on a steady routine.

But when the temperature is too high, it would be nothing short of animal abuse if I would keep on our normal routines. Normally we walk between 15-16. Now, with the sun high in the sky, it’s way too warm for Arwen and she could get a heat stroke. So only a quick stop at nearby bushes and quickly inside again. She doesn’t really seem to understand, but she does seem happy when she’s back inside, where it’s still a bit cooler than out.

Anger Ugh GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Reblog: What Is… Autistic Burnout

In this series, I dig a little deeper into the meaning of psychology-related terms.  This week’s term is autistic burnout. Autistic burnout is something I’d only heard of quite recently, and I was curious to learn more about it. It’s a concept that’s discussed a lot among autistic communities, but hasn’t been well researched. A […]

What Is… Autistic Burnout

Every day…

FYI *image used is about myself, not aimed at any of you!*

I live with a daily set routine. I have a morning routine, a gym routine, a routine for my walks with Arwen, a routine for getting ready in the evening to head to bed. Some days are just like the others. And that is OK, as the autism side in me loves to know where I am at. It wants to have a certain amount of control of my daily doings. And I try to be transparent in what I do, my preferences and my plans. It’s not always easy for both others and myself. If I deviate from my routine, I struggle. I need the structure. I need it to know where I am at…

But of course, some days are differently from others. Some days, I need groceries. Some days I need to get my meds. Some days I need to help my parents or friends with something, making the day different from the ones before (and after). And that can be OK, but I would like to know it in advance. Last minute changes are very hard to deal with, as I cannot change my routine accordingly then. And I am not too got with “changing it on the go”.

Marge Simpson Bar GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

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Social struggles

Sometimes I think I understand it. I have read or heard something that was written/said to be and I want to reply. So I think about it and do my best to respond accordingly. And sometimes I notice that th response I get to mine… Is not what I had expected. Did I misunderstand the original message? Did I say/write something wrong? Is it a simple thing called miscommunication? Or is it something else?

I sometimes find it really difficult to know how to respond. I’d love to say the right things, and having them feel right as well. I know I can’t always agree with things being said. I know my opinion can and may be different at times. But how to get that right? Without causing any harm? That’s the thing I would love to know…

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Another day, another struggle

Dealing with “some form of depression, but it’s not severe enough for Bipolar” every day can be quite a struggle. I have used Google and also a “Dummy” book on Bipolar and that’s how I found out that my symptoms really match something called “Cyclothymia”. I have written about it before on this blog, if you use the search function on the top, you’ll be able to find them all. The most “important” one perhaps, could be Cyclothymia.

But ever since we went into another lockdown, I have been struggling with several things again, one of them a depression, the other one my physical health and then there’s the money struggles as well. I sometimes really miss having enough money to get by, as that was one thing my ex and I did have: enough to live comfortably. I guess that’s the big plus of having two incomes… And that comfort and security is something I really miss.

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Mental health – More than struggles

I often write about the struggles I encounter because of my mental health “issues”. I often try to explain how I experience things differently due to the ADHD, Autism and depresions. I often seem a bit negative about it all, because it does feel like complaining from time to time. And while living with mental health issues surely brings along some difficult hoops to jump through, it also can bring along some “advantages”. And I think I should talk about them a bit. Even though they may seem minor. Even though I might take them for granted, because positive things are often just taken like that. The issues, the struggles, the differences, those are the things that people most often write about. Me as well.

I am trying to bring some things to light of dealing with all the things I mentioned above: autism, adhd and depression. Also, I often try to share my experiences with chronic pains. Because those are the things I am dealing with on a daily basis, those are the things that I know about. And in my opinion, if I write open and honestly about these experiences, than it can bring some awareness to others dealing with this, you are not alone! Or, maybe you know someone that is also dealing with these and you’d like to know more about it to support them. I try to write as good as I can about my experiences so that you may “learn” anything from it.

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In my early 30’s I experienced huge headaches which weren’t migraines. Because my GP didn’t trust the reason, he scheduled me for several head scans in the hospital. During one of these tests, they registered my brain activity. As I had barely slept due to the headaches, I felt so very tired while laying on that examination table. I even started to drift asleep when the lady who did the examination said: “Did you just fall asleep?” To which I had to answer: “Yes I just dozed off a bit, sorry. Why do you ask?” Her answer? “Because your brain activity just went to 150% of average.”.

It was that test that lead me to be tested for ADHD. But, while going through talks and tests for that, the shrink also discovered that I have Asperger’s Syndrome. These days it’s “just” being on the spectrum. But for me, the name Asperger’s helped me dive into it a wee bit more and I started reading up on the subject and so many thing became clear. I have been using Google and I found some (I think) useful images to help you see if you, or someone you care about, might be on the spectrum. A few images I have shared here before, some are “new” here. I claim no rights to the images, all were found through Google’s search engine.

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Autism – Dealing with stimulus

As most of you already know, I am on the spectrum. Before it was called the spectrum, there were different names for different types of autism. I am, what they call, “high functioning” and/or “Asperger’s Syndrome”. I am trying to deal with it best I can but sometimes I feel I am coming up a wee bit short. Like I am missing something or I just feel like I have done something wrong but I don’t know how I could do it right.

I struggle a lot with stimulus from the outside world. I almost always need sunglasses when I go outside due to the brightness of the sun/clouds. And when I was able to go to the gym, I always used noise canceling headphones so I would not be too distracted from what others were doing.

At the gym, wearing my Bose noise canceling headset
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Autism – Trying to help out

Those of you that have followed my writings here for some time know about me, my autism and my need to plan and have a routine. Nw that my mum is in a rehab facilitation after struggles with her new knee replacement, I of course have offered to help her and my dad out when I can. They always help me so it’s the least I can do for them. I always try to plan ahead, to set appointments with them in advance. And often it works out. But sometimes, there’s some last minute changes and then I need to adapt. And, so far, I have been able but it can be hard at times.

I ask my parents in the groups app several times a week if they need anything from the stores. So I can take it along when I go to them. And often, my dad says no, he’s got all he needs. So I go to the store… And then, some hours after I have returned, I get an app “when you’re going, could you look for…” 😂

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