Living with a mental and/or physical disability isn’t always easy. Some things you learn to live with, to deal with, to cope with. Not always because you want to, more because you have to. If you don’t you’ll only have yourself to blame in the end.
I’ve always felt like I was different. I always was the odd one out. I always was two steps behind and didn’t get the jokes but just laughed along. Doctors in the 80’s gave me an IQ test, I scored pretty high (140) so they just said that my IQ was the reason for me behaving differently. I’ve been bullied a lot through many years and many schools. It seemed like I was a bully magnet, they just felt I was different which made me an easy target. It took me many years before I moved and got a new GP. I was in my early 30’s then. I kept suffering huge headaches but they weren’t migranes. So I went to the GP and he referred me to a hospital for a head scan. I got two scans to see if anything was seen that could be the cause of the headaches. There they registered a huge brain activity. So I was referred to a mental help coach. With her, I had many talks and tests. Also talks with my mum and my then partner. In the end she had two disgnoses for me: Asperger’s Syndrome (now it’s called an ASD, a form of Autism) and ADHD. I was shocked at first and then I started to read up on my Asperger’s and wow, so many things started to make sense to me. It was like I was reading a manual into Cynni’s way of life, thinking and doing. I finally had a reason for seeing and doing certain things so differently from others.
I’ve read several books and went to a class to learn about my autism and ADHD. I learned several coping meganisms and such and my life went on. I had a decent life, I had a partner that (then) loved me, I was engaged, had a decent job and a nice dog and life just went OK. Shortly after I got married, my physical health took a dive for the worst though. I had so many pains, I cried in my sleep (or so I got told) and it was a struggle to work. In the end my then wife called my job and said I was sick and couldn’t work. A doc’s appointment was made and I got some tests again. Another diagnosis was coming my way, Fibromyalgia. A form of Rheumatism. I already had Raynaud’s and also my hip replaced (back in 2008). I never went back to work, as I couldn’t cope. I struggled with doctors and health care for 3 years, fighting for my rights. I was very grateful I didn’t have to fight alone, my wife was very supportive. Now, I am on disability and even though I’d rather be able to work, I am grateful (especially on my bad days) that I don’t have to struggle at a job.
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