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Thursday Quote


“People tell you the world looks a certain way. Parents tell you how to think. Schools tell you how to think. TV. Religion. And then at a certain point, if you’re lucky, you realize you can make up your own mind. Nobody sets the rules but you. You can design your own life.”
β€”Β Carrie Ann Moss

Carrie Ann Moss
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Now Watching – The Good Doctor

My parents talked about this show a few times. So when I saw it on Disney+ I decided to give it a go. Let’s copy and paste a bit of info about this show πŸ˜‰

The Good Doctor is an American medical drama television series based on the 2013 South Korean series of the same name. Actor Daniel Dae Kim noticed the original series and bought the rights for his production company. He began adapting the series and, in 2015, eventually shopped it to CBS Television Studios. CBS decided against creating a pilot. Because Kim felt so strongly about the series, he bought back the rights from CBS. Eventually, Sony Pictures Television and Kim worked out a deal and brought on David Shore, creator of the Fox medical drama House, to develop the series.[
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Journal – Week 45, November 2022

A new week. Weather really turned to autumn now. I have some appointments, some for me, one for mum, and for the rest it’ll probably be another usual week. 😊 Not that I’m complaining, I like knowing what will happen, in a sense. I’m still fighting the dark monster, it’s draining my energy. Even hitting the gym feels like a hard chore at times, as I’m so tired. But I’ll keep the routine as I know it really helps me. And I try to gather spoons to get strong enough to fight off the monster…

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Mental Health – We all have it

But it seems like it’s way harder to talk about it than our physical health. We talk easily about our broken leg, our obesity, our six-pack, our successes at the gym. But when it comes to mental health, I often feel there’s this big taboo.

And I understand it. I also come from that generation that got told crying was for the weak, always appear strong so you’ll be strong in the end. I’ve been bullied for being different. Ridiculed by classmates, teachers and some family. So I also shut down and kept my mental issues to myself. I learned to mask, to act, to pretend. And I believe many of us have been brought up with this mindset. And now it’s time to realize that having issues with our mental health is nothing to be ashamed of. Why aren’t we ashamed of a broken leg and why do we hide our depressions, for instance?

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Depression 🌩️ taking my spoons πŸ₯„

I know this will sound like an excuse but I’m slacking again. I have so many wants. I have so many things I would like to do, to reach, to achieve. But lately I just don’t have the energy. I still want the things but it feels I don’t want them enough. It feels like giving up. Not because I lost interest, but because I lack the energy.

People see me. An obese, 40+ gall with short hair and some weird social interactions. Almost always wearing sunglasses outside, often spotted with my headphones on, trying to be in my own bubble… My disabilities are not visible. OK some stimming might be spotted by someone paying attention to that detail. But to most, I look like a healthy person.

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Depression, food, comfort, weight.

As I’ve shared with you, I’m battling with my darkest monster again. I feel it on so many routine bits changing. And some changed in an unhealthy pattern. And even when I noticed I was being unhealthy, I indulged. I crashed. I gave in and let it all happen as I didn’t care.

Scale GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

But here I am, caring again. Slowly climbing out of that dark hole. Slowly fighting back. I did the dishes. Win! I cleaned the apartment. Another win. But I kept on eating more and more. And I tried to battle that with exercise. Damn I spend so much time on that hometrainer. And it helped me not to look like a big stranded whale 🐳 now. But I gained a lot of weight and I need to fight it. I need to lose it. It’s bad for me to be obese in so many ways. Fight Cynni, fight hard and win!

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Rest in peace πŸ•―

I used a happy image as I want to remember Ashley fondly, with joy, with laughter, with warmth and kindness. I’m happy and honored to have been a small part in her life for several years. Rest in peace dear friend. πŸ’œ

A while ago I opened my WP reader in the morning and my world trembled. Like a rug being pulled out from under your feet, I was struggling to keep standing. The news I feared but didn’t dare think about was there. A message from family. That’s never a good sign.

I shared the post as I knew many I know also knew her. Re-blog:A message from Ashley’s family

I thought of all our conversations. Her posts. Her reactions to mine. We never met, we now never will… But I considered her a dear friend. And I hope that feeling was mutual. Then, time sank in and I really realized she was gone. 😭

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Depression – Going down and dark

Chronic depression. I’ve had it since my diagnosis at age 16/17. I’ve struggled a lot. Even been almost diagnosed with Bipolar due to the nature of my depressions. But 4 dacs couldn’t agree so they stayed with chronic depression…

Persistent depressive disorder, also called dysthymia (dis-THIE-me-uh), is a continuous long-term (chronic) form of depression. You may lose interest in normal daily activities, feel hopeless, lack productivity, and have low self-esteem and an overall feeling of inadequacy. These feelings last for years and may significantly interfere with your relationships, school, work and daily activities.
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