Activity

Many people I know with ADHD love to be active. Some prefer physical activities, some prefer mental ones. But sitting still and doing nothing is not in our vocabulary… Of course I only know a few ADHD folk so I definitely don’t speak for all of them. But for me personally, my brain needs stimulation in any form. Of I don’t entertain it, I get bored and quickly lose interest in many things that I usually really enjoy.

My AuDHD has a focus on the H bit: hyperactive. Not just my brain, but all of me… 😊

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd

And yeah, I have difficulty sitting still. Hence me enjoying gaming, so I can use my brain and hands. Hence me often riding my bike while watching TV. I love to be active. Even though my behind doesn’t always enjoy the saddle of the bike 😂. My brain is such a busy place and I feel best when I give it what it needs. It’s like my brain is addicted to me doing things and as long as I give in to it, I get a sweet release of endorphins and I feel good. When I feel really, really, good, I also feel less need to eat. To overeat. So I’ve been trying a lot to get back into that state of mind as I’ve been gaining loads of weight the last few months due to overeating.

My activity overview for last month. I missed my steps goal on one day, I think I was about 500 steps off. My daily goal. Is set to 13.500. Still I managed loads of steps, an average of about 21k steps every day. Even with that day where I missed out on it. I’ve been active for 10.885 minutes. That’s an average of 388 minutes every day. So it’s definitely a lot (almost, 6,5 hours every day). And still I gained weight 😔.

But I still love being active. I’m learning to get better with weights to increase my strength and muscle mass. I’ve always been more of a cardio gall, so it’s hard to keep focus on weights and weight machines. But I’m trying to get stronger and slowly I’m noticing increases in weights I’m able to use. 😊

But that all sounds rather positive. Unfortunately there’s also a down side to my hyperactivity… I have a bad hip (well a fake one), Fibromyalgia and Hypermobility. They don’t always accomodate my need to be active. Some days I lack the energy. Some I have more pain issues. I still try to push through, as you can see in my February stats, but it’s hard. Some days I give in and go for a snooze on the couch. But afterwards I always feel like I have wasted valuable time that I could have used so much better. Even though I know I’m providing my body with the care it needs, my brain isn’t happy. Which makes me unhappy and some days even a bit angry. Why did I give in to being weak? I should have pushed on. Bed time is for sleeping. Sleeping during the day is a waste…

Yeah, years of people being hard on me made me copy their behavior. I felt I always needed to do better, be better, to be seen, to be loved, to have some value. I needed to be perfect, I needed to shine and outperform everyone who could be seen as competition. And while I’m trying to tone down, to be more kind to myself and my current needs, I still often feel trapped in my old ways of thinking about myself. Being worried how others may see me… 😔 Being angry with how I see me. I know this and know I need change. But something you’ve done 30+ years, what’s been encouraged by people that you thought mattered, it’s hard to walk away from it. But the fact I am taking an occasional nap at times shows I’m pushing back. I’m taking control. Small steps also equal progress.

So I love being active. But lately it’s become a tad of an obsession it seems. I struggle too much with food. I easily eat way too much and can keep eating as my brain never receives a signal that I’m full… So I now use my brain’s need for activities as a counter for my eating disorder. I definitely know it’s not healthy, that’s why I reached out for help. But acknowledging that you’re in a bad place is hard. You try to deny, to hide, you’re ashamed and fear that harsh judgment that you’re used to getting… But as I shared here a few days ago, I’m trying to get help. I wanna learn how to change. I tried on my own, had some success that made me feel amazing. And then I lost it and it all went to hell 😔.

I did shift my focus from my weight to becoming stronger. And, if my watch is to believed, I am successful for a wee bit in that department so far. So I’ll definitely keep working on that as much as my body allows. And I hope that, given time and maybe some help, I can also work on my weight again. Maybe lose some of my blobs and realize that below the fat are some muscles I’ve been working so hard on 😅.

So yeah, several reasons why I keep myself active. Why I keep hitting the gym. Why I love my hometrainer. Walkies with Arwen. Walking to the stores. I hope that I may be able to keep this up as, while I dislike my eating disorder, I am enjoying my exercises and being busy.

It’s just a challenge when your brain goes for the full 100% and your body says “nah its a 75% kind of day today”. Even after 9 years dealing with this, I still struggle. I don’t want to give in to my physical disabilities. I don’t want to give up that active image of myself. I’m afraid that if I give up, or even do a little less, my body may get used to that and start doing even less. I see this happening with my parents and I definitely want to keep more active as long as I can. But that means also listening to my body when it has that 75% day (or even less).

I’m learning. Struggling. Trying. Not giving in, not giving up. I know I got a lot on me and I want to use it all to my advantage 💪🏼.

Does your adhd also require physical activity or is it more a “keeping your brain active” kind of thing? I found that gaming does help me to fidget less. As I’m moving my fingers and entertaining my brain while I game. And my body is able to relax while I do that. Or it loves riding the bike at the same time 😂.

Hey go, let’s go!

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