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Me and numbers…

…numbers and I!

I’ve always had something with numbers. I could remember some of them all too well. I could see patterns in them. I could count with money at age 4 and know it’s value. I’ve always been enthralled by numbers I guess.

During my testing for ADHD (which also showed I am Austistic), the love for numbers sprang out and my psychological examiner said it could be an autistic treat. I have had troubles with numbers as well. Even though I can be good with them, I’ve also made huge mistakes with them, costing me money, getting me into trouble.

I always try to calculate what my monthly costs will be and what I’ll have to spend on groceries. I’m always off… Although I can blame the inflation for it now, as things have gotten a lot more expensive, so my money buys less food than it usually did…

I also enjoy the numbers on the scale, especially if they show a good progress. But when they show me gaining weight, losing muscle percentage, gaining fat… I can get very distressed by it! I used to focus so much on these numbers that I wanted to hit my scale every day, just to see how I was doing! And I knew it wasn’t healthy, but it still took me a while to stop this behavior.

But then I went to not caring, stuffing my face, not using the scale at all and, of course, in the end gaining loads of weight! It’s like it’s either a tunnel vision or focus or I don’t care at all. It seems there’s no “in between” for me, and I have looked for it…

#Selfcare
#Selfcare

I started to learn about selfcare. About it being something totally different than what I always thought it was. I learned. I read about it. I wrote about it. Health – Self Care There are more posts where I mention it though, just use the search function on my site for “self care”. 😊

And while I can still have an unhealthy focus on numbers, I try to be more loose with it. Of course I still want my calories to be in a deficit as I definitely need to lose some of my obesity before I can feel better about that… But I don’t need to weigh every day, I don’t need to calculate my bills every day (as it’s always the unexpected ones surprising me, unfortunately).

I’m trying to let go of the obsession with numbers. But that, unfortunately, doesn’t take away any disappointment when they don’t add up right or when they’re higher than I’d want them to be. After loads of effort I still wish to lose my obesity, so I need those numbers to go down. But I’m sabotaging my hard work with food and candy, so when those numbers don’t lower, I can get angry. But not with the numbers, but with myself for allowing this to happen. The silly thing is, I let it happen again and again, always expecting a better outcome! Will I seriously never learn?

Back before we had cell phones to remember all our contacts, we had to write down numbers or remember them… Yeah, I’m that old 😂! Some numbers, the ones I used a lot, I can still remember. Even some I haven’t dialed in years and I mean, many year… I still can recite the numbers by heart! I even remember my ICQ number! Remember ICQ?! 😉

My number used to be: 86065460 😉 I think I haven’t used it in at least 20 years or so…

It can come in handy to remember numbers at times, as I know my bank number, my social security number and some others by heart. But remembering numbers you never need… It’s something that is just there, I guess. 😉

Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…

Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹

Some selfies in Greifenstein


I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out http://www.ko-fi.com/PlaystationPixy

If you prefer to use PayPal, that’s also a possibility: http://PayPal.me/SuperCynni

Thanks ever so much ♥

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