…but it feels like I am going too slow… Am I really?
When you have an ADHD brain that does zoomies all through the day, and when you have a body dealing with fibromyalgia, hip replacements and more… It is hard to keep up. And I love being active, which unfortunately is limited by my bad body. I want to be active, I want to feel as fit as possible, which is something I have been struggling with since my old BHR hip went bad.
The hip getting worse was causing me more pain and discomfort. And while I did my best to keep as active as possible, my brain didn’t feel like I was achieving enough, making me overeat, a lot. So all the fitness I was getting, walking, hours on the hometrainer at home, I still gained weight 😔. So while my brain was very hard on getting those calories burned, getting my muscles strong, it was also sabotaging me by craving lots of food and snacks. Of course I know that more exercise can also mean my body needs more energy, but I was grabbing way too much and stuffing it in my face… For a moment I was so close to my goal, less than 4 kilo’s away. And just before my surgery, I was almost 7 kilo’s away…
And as I have mentioned here in previous posts, I knew that I would gain weight after the surgery. I just gained a wee bit more than I had hoped, due to setbacks… These made my brain craaaave those snacks again and me, feeling so sorry for myself, indulged greatly. I didn’t get on the scale a lot, partially because I feared falling off (I wasn’t allowed to put more than 50% weight on my right leg, and my scale definitely needs both my feet on the pads so it can measure more than just weight) and partially because I was afraid of the number it would show me. When I did get on, I saw that I had gained about 8 kilo’s in about 5/6 weeks!! So then I decided to start snacking a little less. It was definitely hard as I still craved the chocolates and chips… But it did help, as in about 3 weeks, I lost 2,5 kilos. After that, I was allowed to use my leg 100% again. Which didn’t mean I could just do that! But it meant I as allowed to start building up towards that… Which would take another few weeks…
When I was able to cook and serve my own food, able to walk Arwen by myself, able to wash myself and do the chores at home, mum went back home again. I then only needed to cook for myself and I started to snack less and I was filling in my MyFitnesspal app again. I have been trying to get my intake of calories under the 2000 and some days, I have succeeded. I have als started to use my hometrainer more, very slowly adding some intensity to the workout. I am still on a lower level than I used to be, but I am improving slowly. And that’s what my brain is now struggling with!
My brain wants to be active, to lose the weight, to gain muscles, to get fit. And while I would like all these things, I am afraid that if I don’t pull the breaks on every now and then, my brain will push my body over it’s limits… And while doctors and physical therapists always say “you may work out again, but do not cross your limits”, silly old me has no idea whatsoever about where those limits are! I will only find out, I guess, when I have crossed them, so when it’s too late 😂 !
So I am playing with the settings on the hometrainer, in the morning and afternoon I am taking it easy and in the evening, I am trying to get my HR up by slowly increasing the intensity. I can get up to level 7 now. Not sure if I could do more but my HR seems to let me know that it’s good as it is for now, so better listen to that, right? What else is the use of the Polar watch for, besides telling time? I am using my fitness mat for a few exercises and I try to use my dumbbells a wee bit. I can’t use them too much due to my sore hands, but I am trying… I want to row as well, but am still a bit scared about getting it out and being able to set it up with my strength and hands… 🤔 I have been going on some shorter walks without my crutches now, did a longer one with just one crutch, and while I did need 30/60 minutes to rest/recover after the walks, I was able to do them.
If all keeps going well, I really want to hit the gym on Monday morning. I am pretty sure it will be a short visit as I am really not in the best shape, but I do hope that being able to hit the gym may help me to get into that shape… Just hoping the gym may remain open, since our numbers by the evil Miss Rona are terribly bad these days… I will keep training and doing my best and I’m keeping my fingers crossed 🤞 that I can be there Monday morning at 8.
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