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Journal – Wednesday, October 13th 2021

A rather decent night, Polar gave me a sleep score of 91/100, the highest of this week. Unfortunately, I woke up feeling very tired still and all my brain wanted me to do was get back to bed… Ugh, I really do hate these infections and the damn antibiotics.

I mean, I already struggled with feeling tired before the surgery. The metals in my blood were giving me some nasty side effects, one of them was me feeling exhausted. And I know it will take a year or so for the Kobalt and Chromium to clear out of my body. So I know that those metals, combined with the infections and antibiotics, they’re really kicking my big behind!

2 more weeks till the check up and damn it, I wish it were today. While my hip area still is sore at some points, it’s not really very painful anymore. My body tells me I’m ready for rehab, my mind has been ready for weeks now 😂. But I’m not allowed to start due to those bone grafts that were used to make a socket for my bowl.

New THP hip

There’s a mesh bit at the bowl. In that bit, are none grafts that were used to make a good place for the socket to fit. If all goes well, in two weeks, that area will be more white, less gray. As white means it’s stronger and healed, which means I can tell my PT to finally start my rehab! And it will be soooooo hard to go slow… My ADHD is going insane because I feel like all I’ve done since the surgery is sit or lay on my ass and get fat again. And while my scale does agree to that, I needed to take it slow to heal.

And knowing it, I tried to behave. I tried to always use my crutches. I tried to live by the rules. But sometimes, I did something that had been part of my routine for 2 years now and I didn’t feel pain, nor did I think about it… And then I remembered I wasn’t allowed… And while I am still afraid that my infections may ruin my prosthetic hip, while I’m still afraid to get my ass in a wheelchair (I know it’s not the end of the world, but it would mean giving up about 80% of the things I love to do, plus needing a new place to live), it also felt good in a way to do something normal again.

I’m very grateful my mum has been with me all this time. But we also had some fights as she and I have different routines, and that collides at times. I’m used to live as economical as I can, I don’t overuse things like water and electricity, and mum is used to do things in a way that would really cost me a lot more. And I just can’t afford that. To be honest, I barely take showers now as mum takes them… And water (especially warm water) is expensive these days 😔. I wish I were able to work, as then I’d have a higher income and I could care a little less about those costs. When I was with my BF and/or GF, we had enough money so we need not worry. But these days, yeah I worry, a lot, as things are getting sooooo expensive these days! And my income is not growing as much as the costs are. 😭

I did get a message from the hospital this afternoon. They got my blood work results and things were looking better than two weeks ago. That was a huge plus! Let’s hope it keeps going well/better. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻!

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Please be wise and stay safe! Follow the safety precautions, keep distance, wash hands and wear a mask when needed! I would not want you to get ill… I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹

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Thanks ever so much ♥

Some selfies in Greifenstein

2 thoughts on “Journal – Wednesday, October 13th 2021

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    1. Yessss it was!! It is 😁… Just keeping fingers crossed 🤞🏻 that it also means that my antibiotics are working… And hopefully I don’t get any bad side effects from them, like liver failure or such…. 😊 Been taking 12 pills a day for a month now. When I think about it, and needing to do it two more months… It does worry me still, as I see it as a sign of how bad these infections are 😔. Trying to keep a positive mind. But the fear of losing my prosthetic is so near…

      Liked by 1 person

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