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Journal – Friday, October 8th 2021

Another Friday, and it’s been two weeks, which meant I needed to go for another blood work. I still hate needles. When I gave the lady the form, she got annoyed as I had obviously brought the wrong form as this one did not work in their system. Uhm, this is the form the doc’s assistant gave me. The previous form I handed in so I did not have anymore. With some work, she managed to get everything scanned into the pc manually. But I needed different forms for my next blood work.

So when we got home, mum called the GP’s assitant to explain we needed different forms, as all forms had the same number and that number had been used already. Mum’s explanation was a bit hazy and the assistant didn’t really understand. So I jumped in and tried to explain. As the solution the assistant had, was not the easiest one nor the best one… But she would talk about it with the Doc and we need to call back this afternoon. Ugh, why can’t some thing just go right for once??? Why does everything go wrong, one way or another? If I wasn’t already exhausted, this would definitely do the trick…

Mum needed to go to Nijmegen for a while. Arwen and I stayed at home so we could wait for Y to enjoy a walkies together. The weather is a tad cold but there’s some sun, which is nice. I would lov to go out for a bit, get some fresh air and use my muscles a bit. My hands will be more sore again, afterwards, but with my hands being as bad as they are, I guess that’s just the way it is…

I just feel a tad bored at times… All the relaxing/resting/sleeping… No gym in the morning. No longer walks with Arwen. No rides on my hometrainer. Just sitting around doing nothing but watching TV is not my style. And due to the walking on crutches, my hands are too painful and sore to hold my controller and to play a game. I just wish, at times, that I was or would be better at doing nothing… My ADHD brain just wants to achieve things and all I am achieving is gaining weight again due to snacking too much as I am feeling sorry for myself because everything is going wrong all the time… 😔

To the water side 💦 on crutches

I had a very nice walk with my friend and Arwen to the water side and back. Afterwards, some leg muscles were a bit sore but my hands were worse. I wish I had good hands. I wish they would not hurt and cramp as much as they do… I keep massaging my hands. I do exercises and stretch them. But the muscles in my hands are so bad, they sometimes make me want to cry. I need my hands now, more than ever and I feel like they are letting me down. I need them to walk, to cuddle my dog, to feed myself, to enjoy myself… I have not been able to play a game Ina while because I just cannot hold the controller long enough and it makes me so sad. I love to game…

YES I suck at gaming but most of the time, I still love it. I enjoy it because it keeps my mind off the bad things. Of all the things that have gone wrong. And, knowing me, all the things that will go wrong in my (near) future. I feels like I am drawn to mistakes, to failure, to things going wrong whenever possible… BUT so far, I have overcome! And I will overcome. It just, well just is downsizing it a bit, takes a lot of energy and willpower. I want to give up. I throw a tantrum, to relief myself of all my frustrations, and then I feel sorry… Sorry for the people that got hurt by that tantrum, sorry for myself for getting to the point where I “needed” that tantrum to relief myself. And then, I pick up the pieces and just go on again. Trying to make it better…

I wish I could use an ointment or something to take away the pain that my hands suffer at this moment. I hate moaning, I hate complaining and I just want to get back to my old, trusted, comfortable routine…. But unfortunately…two and a half more weeks till the Xray and Doc’s checkup. So I need to use my crutches for every step I take for at least that amount of time… A week longer than I was told, as they said 6 weeks, and then when I finally got my appointment booked, it turned out to be 7. Yeah, very bummed about that! I understand that the extra week could enhance my chances of the bone grafts being strong enough that I may finally start my rehabilitation… But my hands are crying as it means a week more of being in pain, a lot 😭…

Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome as well, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother…

Please be wise and stay safe! Follow the safety precautions, keep distance, wash hands and wear a mask when needed! I would not want you to get ill… I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹

I am living on a disability income and don’t generate an income with my blog. If you would like to support me and my work, I’d greatly appreciate it. Every bit helps me tremendously. For more information and a donation link, please check out

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Thanks ever so much ♥

Some selfies in Greifenstein

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