Health – A daily reminder

Living with health issues is never easy. Whether you suffer from mental health issues or physical ones, or as I am from both. Learning to live with it is easier said than done. Learning to accept your situation is the first step in a long process. I know I have struggled a lot with my “defects” and they still remind me daily that my health isn’t the best.

If I forget my painkillers, I’m barely functioning. The pain gets me down then and I would not be able to be as active as I love to be. Having an ADHD mind makes it difficult at times as it wants to go go go! While my body is like “nope, not now, take a Tramadol first please and wait for it to work, thanks”.

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Struggles – It’s money, again…

You all know by now that I am living on a disability income and I often struggle to make ends meet. I recently found out that the cities taxes, that had a 90 euro increase over 2020, will increase even more this year! Like it wasn’t expensive enough already… So it looks like I will be trying again to get an exemption for my taxes again. But, knowing my luck, I will probably have to pay up again, as I still have enough income, I guess.

I think they just want you to not have any hobbies nor entertainment in your life. You may live to pay up and if you struggle to make ends meet, just live in more poverty. You don’t need a dog. Why not just sell your car? And Netflix is not needed, you have the internet (which you also pay a nice monthly fee for!) so just watch stuff on there, right?

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Pain without relief

Ever since I was 12, I have struggled with Tinnitus. I think I have gotten it from many ear infections that I have had as a kid. If you don’t know what Tinnitus is, I can tell you it’s awful to have. It’s a loud beeping sound (for me) that I hear 24/7 365 days a year.

Most days I can handle it OK. I do hear it but it’s not too loud so I am able to ignore it for the most part. But some days, it’s just so loud that it even gives me a headache. And this headache, no pills will help to reduce that pain.

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Autism – Just another day

Being on the spectrum, I have found out early (before I even knew of that spectrum) that I thrive on a set, daily routine. I hate not knowing what is about to happen and when sudden things happen, they can quite overwhelm me. When something small happens, I have learned how to cope, though to be honest, it still goes wrong at times. But with major changes or setbacks, I feel like I struggle more than the average person to deal with it. To accept it for what it is and to keep going.

I have written before about needing routines, and now adjusting them due to the lockdown our country is in. If you have missed those posts and you are interested in reading them, I’ll quick-link them here for your convenience: Autism – Boring routines, Covid19 – Losing my routine, again and Autism – Lockdown routine. But what happens with me when I have to deal with a change in plans? How do I try to deal with sudden changes? I’ve tried to put my thoughts and feelings to words, hoping to give you a glimpse into my wicked mind.

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Adding to my worries

As I wrote a few days ago, I might be in need of a new replacement hip. If you haven’t seen the original post, here’s a quick link to it: Health – Hip worries. I wrote a bit about the worries I already had, still have though, and I have to admit it makes me a bit scared. My previous surgeries, I always had someone that loved me at my side. But since the divorce, I’ve been very single. So it’s just been Arwen and me. And I don’t mind being single, to be honest, though it took me a while to adjust to being on my own. But now, I have learned to be OK with it.

But when facing the possibilities that I might need a surgery again. That my metallic hip needs replacement. That I need to go into the hospital for a few days (last time it took a week). I worry. A lot, already, and it doesn’t help me to get a good mindset at the moment.

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Health – Lockdown, week five

Another week in lockdown, with several more being added to it as I write this. So far, I think I am doing quite OK this lockdown, compared to the one from March-July 2020. I haven’t gained any weight (yet) even though I ate a lot over the holidays while exercising less those days. I even lost a wee bit of weight so far, so I am very happy with that, as I had not thought I could achieve that without the gym.

Another week of walking, rowing and getting enough protein in. I did my best and below you will find a daily overview of my activities every day of the fifth week of lockdown for me. I really wish the gym would be allowed to re-open but I also understand the need to prolong the lockdown. So yeah, better just try to make the best of it with the means I have.

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Health – Hip worries

Back in 1996, I started having lots of troubles with my right hip. They found out I had a defect from birth, but because my muscles were so strong, I never suffered from it until then. They found out I didn’t have a bowl in my pelvis on the right side and my hip was shaped oval instead of round.

I got a reconstruction surgery in August 1997, which was a very heavy one. It took me quite some time to recover and, to learn how to walk again. Things were going rather well until I was in pain again in 2005. I got another reconstruction surgery in January 2006. And again it took me several months to recover and, again, learn how to walk again.

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Arwen – My shining star…

…when the days seem dark.

I am so very grateful to have Arwen in my life. She had always felt like my puppy/dog, even when my ex and I picked her out. Probably because due to my illness, after a year, I was home every day and I spend lots of time with Arwen. When we got our second Labrador, Jenny, she was a good gall but it didn’t click with her like I clicked with Arwen. So I was very glad when my ex wanted to keep Jenny and I could take Arwen when we divorced. She’s done plenty to piss me off, but me keeping Arwen, that I am grateful for.

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Health – Feeling tired

I go to bed. Sleep for about 8:45. Wake up. Still feel tired. And I hate it! I should think that with over 8 and a half hours of sleep, I should feel at least a bit rested. But when my alarm goes off, most days I just want to shut it off, turn around and sleep some more. But I can’t as I have responsibilities in caring for Arwen, taking her out for her wee and poop. So I roll out of bed, feeling like crap, trying to make the best of it.

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Keep going

I have written several times about the lockdown. About the struggles I have had with my health, both mental and physical. And of course about keeping up my motivation. I have been trying to lose weight for over a year now. And even with my huge setback during the first lockdown, I still managed to lose weight in the end. But I think I am sometimes getting tired of it.

I just want to snack. Eat whatever I’d like. Spend a day without the rower, as I do find it a tad boring to do so much every day. Every day I am rowing I am feeling bummed that I had to sell my old exercise bike. Yes, I wish I could have taken it with me… I wish it would have been mobile enough to fit my apartment, like the rower is.

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